Rock Solid Family Relationships

Mark D. Ogletree

How Will Your Children Turn Out?

"In terms of your happiness, in terms of the matters that make you proud or sad, nothing - I repeat, nothing - will have so profound an effect on you as the way your children turn out.
"You will either rejoice and boast of their accomplishments or you will weep, head in hands, bereft and forlorn, if they become a disappointment or an embarrassment to you." Pres. Hinckley Nov. 2000 Ensign, pg 50.

2 timothy 3:1-5
but understand this, in the last days there will come times of stress 2 - for men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, inhuman, implacable, slanderers, profligates, fierce, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, swollen, etc.

Nothing happened in Sodom and Gomorrah which exceeds in wickedness and depravity that which surrounds us now. Boyd k packer.

the devil is well organized, the whole intention is to destroy the family - Benson

more lds females have had sec than lds males - 12% to 7%

drop out rate is between 16-24

only 20% of baptized young men receive mission calls

Satan’s ultimate goal is to destroy the family, because if he would destroy the family he wouldn't have just won the battle, he would have won the war.

problem #1 - overcommitted and under connected families

biggest problem in society and church today.

children have lost 12 per week in free time, 25 % drop in playing, 50% drop in unstructured outdoor activities.

Structured

Are you a frantic family?


Struggle to family meals?
Too much time to and from activities
homework is hard to squeeze in
kids don't hang out
don't go on family trips or outings
too busy for weekend activities

- hey, an aside from me - we're doing pretty good! Not a frantic family at all, I'd say! -

problem #3 - a valueless society

problem 4 - a materialistic society -

the cost of winning, by dean Hughes (book recommended)

the road to happiness is paved with lovely widgets.

Problem 5 - a selfish society
problem 6 - an overprotective parenting paradigm - helicopter parents

fearful that kids won't be able to withstand mundane requirements of homework, curfew, cleaning rooms, and showing up for dinner - discipline becomes lax.

Demands for extracurricular performance are high, but family responsibility is low. It makes them think others will pick up the slack.

Parents shower kids with material goods, hoping to buy compliance.

We must decide to steer or go where the river takes us.

What to do?
1.Get priorities straight
2.spend time together
3.one-on-one family 4.experiences
5.reclaim family mealtime
6.reclaim family bedtime


merely keeping busy is not necessarily evidence that we are using our time wisely. Activities are not accomplishments.

1. Priorities - where we spend time should be our priorities, family
2. Time - just 10 minutes makes a difference in the life of a young boy, or years and years fixing the kid if not.

Time distractions -
watching TV
talking on chat rooms
surfing the web
downloading music
video games
IM
texting
cell phones
DVDs
church work
lessons
competitive clubs
touring teams
tournaments tutoring
going to movies
shopping
field trips
parties
staying in room with door closed

70% of families have double incomes, but double stress. Kids are shoved into sports because if they don't start young, they'll never make it in the bigger leagues.

Lds families - mothers 33 minutes talking to kids each day, fathers 18 minutes

www.doctreefam.com - Ed week slides in PDF format

get priorities and time expenditures to line up - what will it take to make you spend time on your priorities.

#3 - one on one experiences with children
3nephi 11:17 pg 429
Christ was obedient in every way, that’s the first thing he wants us to know.

We minister one by one to our children, like Christ ministered to the 2500 one by one.

ch 17 verse 20 - my time is at hand, he's got to go - he perceives (led by h.g.) we are weak, tells them to ponder, verse 4, very busy verse 5 - they didn’t want him to leave, he has compassion, then asks to bring the sick for blessings
that wasn't supposed to happen, he was supposed to leave in verse 4, but he doesn't have a schedule that is more important than people

practical solutions:
never bring work home.
Plan a family activity every Saturday.
Schedule a time each week to spend 30 minutes of one on one time with each family member.
Interview each child formally every fast Sunday

4. Reclaim family mealtime
5 times a week or more, less likely to be in trouble
3 or fewer times, least well adjusted
Mealtime conversation starters - if you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
If you had $500 what would you do
If there was a fire, what would you do?
,meet any person in the world
meet some one from history
favorite hero
all time favorite movie
skip a day of school
most embarrassing moment

5. Reclaim family bedtime
stick to bedtime
spend 30 minutes winding down
read book talk about stuff at the bed side
perfect bedtime is a story with family, a song, a prayer,. 4 steps to bed, jammies, brush teeth, say prayers, get in bed. Then have personal time with kids in their own beds.

It's the last thing of the day, needs to end on a good moment.

6. Family vacation
use them to teach the gospel

7. Get rid of the TV and other media


Thoughts on this class - you know, I don't think I'll go again. I'm not a big fan of teachers who just read slides. Frankly, I can read slides on my own time, and I think I'll download his PDF and read it and hit a different live class. Good info, though. He also flew through it at the absolute speed of light, so I couldn't even type fast enough (and he didn't tell us about the website having the info until halfway, grrr.)