Strengthening You in Your Family

By D. Kelly Ogden

we aren't asked to read the scriptures, wee need to study, search, ponder, liken, and treasure the scriptures. Lds people know the gospel is true, but do they know the gospel?

Why study the scriptures and how to study is the topic.

Why:
we're commanded to
john 5:39
if we love him, we'll study his words
millions of books exist, but only 4 contain the word of god.
Scriptures give us peace. It tells us all the things we need to do. 2 Nephi 32
we get answers and solutions to all of our questions and problems
if you're waiting for an angel to come down to give you the answer to your problem, you're wasting your time - all the angel would do is show you where in the scriptures to find the answer.

2 n 32 - angels= messengers=missionaries and us
feast upon the words, not nibble. There's a great banquet spread out, but we choose to go to McDonald’s instead.

Verse 5 - the holy ghost will show you - bring them to your remembrance, if you've been studying conscientiously just when you need to remember the holy ghost will bring them back to you.

Our goal is to be like the father and son, and that will give us eternal life.

If we don't study these things, we're showing a lack of love. The Old Testament spans about 1000 years (moses to Malachi) and the book of Mormon also 1000 years - that's a lot of work.

If we want to be like god, we would want to know what it says. We'll be judged from these 4 books, even if we don't read them.

We learn how to follow his example and have models to follow.
the scriptures can bring joy.
we can receive personal revelation.

how to study the scriptures

we learn more when we involve more of our physical senses.
hearing the words helps sometimes - using two senses
pray
cross-reference
mark scriptures
add quotes from general authorities and insert them
keep a scripture journal and write impressions that you receive
don't have a quota - it might make you skip writing or thinking in favor of pushing on.
dramatize stories

1 Nephi 11:1 - he questioned, asked, pondered, he gets chs 11-15 because he was pondering

d&c 76: some say the most important revelation given to man, received while meditating on the translation of the bible John 5:29

d&c 138:11 received revelation while sitting in his room, reflecting and pondering the scriptures, reading 1 peter 3 and 4

JSHistory - verse 12 - read James 1:5, pondered

1 Nephi 15:24 - hearken to word and hold fast, will never perish, fiery darts will not hurt us



Interesting side note, this teacher spent his entire mission going through the standard works one time, very very slow and detailed, making tons and tons of cross references, which served him well when he was asked to help create the footnotes for the new scriptures whenever that was. This guy did most of the Old Testament himself! How cool is that. Probably won't do this class again, though. I looked at the clock too often, and as my friend Rachel pointed out yesterday, that's a sign.

Rock Solid Family Relationships

Mark D. Ogletree

How Will Your Children Turn Out?

"In terms of your happiness, in terms of the matters that make you proud or sad, nothing - I repeat, nothing - will have so profound an effect on you as the way your children turn out.
"You will either rejoice and boast of their accomplishments or you will weep, head in hands, bereft and forlorn, if they become a disappointment or an embarrassment to you." Pres. Hinckley Nov. 2000 Ensign, pg 50.

2 timothy 3:1-5
but understand this, in the last days there will come times of stress 2 - for men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, inhuman, implacable, slanderers, profligates, fierce, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, swollen, etc.

Nothing happened in Sodom and Gomorrah which exceeds in wickedness and depravity that which surrounds us now. Boyd k packer.

the devil is well organized, the whole intention is to destroy the family - Benson

more lds females have had sec than lds males - 12% to 7%

drop out rate is between 16-24

only 20% of baptized young men receive mission calls

Satan’s ultimate goal is to destroy the family, because if he would destroy the family he wouldn't have just won the battle, he would have won the war.

problem #1 - overcommitted and under connected families

biggest problem in society and church today.

children have lost 12 per week in free time, 25 % drop in playing, 50% drop in unstructured outdoor activities.

Structured

Are you a frantic family?


Struggle to family meals?
Too much time to and from activities
homework is hard to squeeze in
kids don't hang out
don't go on family trips or outings
too busy for weekend activities

- hey, an aside from me - we're doing pretty good! Not a frantic family at all, I'd say! -

problem #3 - a valueless society

problem 4 - a materialistic society -

the cost of winning, by dean Hughes (book recommended)

the road to happiness is paved with lovely widgets.

Problem 5 - a selfish society
problem 6 - an overprotective parenting paradigm - helicopter parents

fearful that kids won't be able to withstand mundane requirements of homework, curfew, cleaning rooms, and showing up for dinner - discipline becomes lax.

Demands for extracurricular performance are high, but family responsibility is low. It makes them think others will pick up the slack.

Parents shower kids with material goods, hoping to buy compliance.

We must decide to steer or go where the river takes us.

What to do?
1.Get priorities straight
2.spend time together
3.one-on-one family 4.experiences
5.reclaim family mealtime
6.reclaim family bedtime


merely keeping busy is not necessarily evidence that we are using our time wisely. Activities are not accomplishments.

1. Priorities - where we spend time should be our priorities, family
2. Time - just 10 minutes makes a difference in the life of a young boy, or years and years fixing the kid if not.

Time distractions -
watching TV
talking on chat rooms
surfing the web
downloading music
video games
IM
texting
cell phones
DVDs
church work
lessons
competitive clubs
touring teams
tournaments tutoring
going to movies
shopping
field trips
parties
staying in room with door closed

70% of families have double incomes, but double stress. Kids are shoved into sports because if they don't start young, they'll never make it in the bigger leagues.

Lds families - mothers 33 minutes talking to kids each day, fathers 18 minutes

www.doctreefam.com - Ed week slides in PDF format

get priorities and time expenditures to line up - what will it take to make you spend time on your priorities.

#3 - one on one experiences with children
3nephi 11:17 pg 429
Christ was obedient in every way, that’s the first thing he wants us to know.

We minister one by one to our children, like Christ ministered to the 2500 one by one.

ch 17 verse 20 - my time is at hand, he's got to go - he perceives (led by h.g.) we are weak, tells them to ponder, verse 4, very busy verse 5 - they didn’t want him to leave, he has compassion, then asks to bring the sick for blessings
that wasn't supposed to happen, he was supposed to leave in verse 4, but he doesn't have a schedule that is more important than people

practical solutions:
never bring work home.
Plan a family activity every Saturday.
Schedule a time each week to spend 30 minutes of one on one time with each family member.
Interview each child formally every fast Sunday

4. Reclaim family mealtime
5 times a week or more, less likely to be in trouble
3 or fewer times, least well adjusted
Mealtime conversation starters - if you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
If you had $500 what would you do
If there was a fire, what would you do?
,meet any person in the world
meet some one from history
favorite hero
all time favorite movie
skip a day of school
most embarrassing moment

5. Reclaim family bedtime
stick to bedtime
spend 30 minutes winding down
read book talk about stuff at the bed side
perfect bedtime is a story with family, a song, a prayer,. 4 steps to bed, jammies, brush teeth, say prayers, get in bed. Then have personal time with kids in their own beds.

It's the last thing of the day, needs to end on a good moment.

6. Family vacation
use them to teach the gospel

7. Get rid of the TV and other media


Thoughts on this class - you know, I don't think I'll go again. I'm not a big fan of teachers who just read slides. Frankly, I can read slides on my own time, and I think I'll download his PDF and read it and hit a different live class. Good info, though. He also flew through it at the absolute speed of light, so I couldn't even type fast enough (and he didn't tell us about the website having the info until halfway, grrr.)

Inviting Heaven Into Your Marriage

By H. Wallace Goddard

Before the class starts -
My new, go with the flow, the spirit will direct me to the right class theory is in jeopardy, as I am accidentally in the wrong marriage class. Whoops. I was looking at the schedule and I decided to go to the class titled " Building Relationships that Last for Lifetime or Longer" - the daily topics looked applicable to a variety of situations instead of just simply marriage. But once I left the last class, I was on autopilot and walked to the Benson building instead. It wasn't until I was looking at the handout for this class that I realized I blew it. And the other class is over in the Harris Fine Arts building, which I knew I couldn't get to in time and still get a seat. So I'm here, for today at least. I can challenge the assumption that I can learn anything from any class, if my heart is open.

Goal of class - give principles and practices to apply in many situations, also rejoice in gospel of Jesus Christ, which will help any relationship.

When god comes into our heart, it changes everything, but until you've experienced it you won't understand. He doesn't come to condemn, but to save, to redeem, to love.

we always have the exact right people in your family to make you crazy. The lord is saying, "I’m giving you people who will make you crazy, unless..." the natural partner is an enemy to their spouse, unless... (king Benjamin) unless we yield to the enticing of the holy spirit, and put off the natural spouse, through the atonement of Christ.

Moses 5:6
why make sacrifices? Adam says, I don't know except God tells me.

Are there things in our marriage that god wants us to do, that we don't do because we don't understand?

Verse 7 - the sacrifice and the one who made it is full of grace and truth. Every time you make a sacrifice, you are doing what Jesus did, surrendering your will to his.

Verse 8 - action step - do *all* in the name of the son, and repent

the rest of the Christian world thinks Adam and eve were dopes, were stupid and rebellious enough to get busted and put us all in a bad situation. We see Adam and eve as heroes, courageous people who chose the hard but growth filled road. When we choose marriage (or have children), we choose the hard but growth filled path.

V 10 - like Adam and eve, we are choosing experience over keeping ourselves unstained. Eve talks about joy of redemption and family life.

Family life will discourage us and frustrate us, but that is part of the plan.

we ritualize our frustrations - we are so used to being irritated by our spouse without them even having to do anything.

In past generations, our heroes were always those who sacrificed themselves for the sake of others. The biggest revolution in human history where our heroes are now people who take care of themselves at all cost. Today's dogma is, if marriage is not meeting our needs we not only have the right we have the obligation to get out.

The cultural mandate is you must take care of #1.

You have to choose the world's way or the Lord's way, you can't have both.

There is an advantage to knowing at the beginning of a marriage that there will be unresolvable situations in your marriage. When we make sacrifices, choose to give up some of our preferences, we are in similitude of /Christ.

If we want to grow, sacrifices are a part of it. It is fundamental.

We can't look at marriage as a marketplace - we can't keep looking for a better deal.

We need to commit our time and talents.

Trouble in a relationship comes when we take another’s behavior personally. When we see others as selfish it's because we are being selfish.

Commit time and talents means to inconvenience ourselves, maybe it means helping around the house or work in the yard or go to a ball game.

we impose our wants on another, and when they don't want the same, we resent them. Everyone wants different things, we need to recognize that what makes one person happy isn't what makes the spouse happy.

When we understand the spirit of sacrifices it stops feeling like a sacrifice. It is just behaving out of love.

Our sacrifices always seem so big when we don't have the gospel of Jesus Christ in our hearts.

First and foremost, we have to have commitment. If every day wee asks ourselves if we want to stay, we won't stay. We need to honor our covenants.

Do you find his qualities and compliment them? Do you see him as a flaw colony? Or do you see him as a remarkable son of god, who has unique gifts and who god has joined with you.

No covenant is likely to be effective if god isn't a part of it.

do w yearn to get out into greener pastures? In marriage, the grass grows greener on the side you water most. If all your fondest affection goes to people other than your spouse, you are going to see less beauty in your spouse.

"damning by faint praise"

the trick is it's not just suffering, it's making a sacrifice that is worthwhile and smart. Wise as serpents and harmless as doves.

2 Nephi 2, 9 - atonement scriptures mosiah 3 and 4, Alma 34, 42

when I'm filled with the doctrine of the atonement, then my path is clear. The atonement makes us saints, lets us be around other imperfect people and lets us think we're having fun.

Speaking Language of Faith Builds Attitudes of Faith, Thus Reducing Contention and Making The Title of This Class Very Long

By S. Dee Barrett

change our language, then help family members change their language, to help reduce contention in the home

Nephi, when laman and lemuel begins to murmur, he teaches them. He always saw they lacked faith, and having faith changes murmuring.

Pres. Monson, may 2001 "to the rescue" language of the spirit comes to him who seeks with all his heart to know god and keep his commandments. Language permits one to break barriers overcome obstacles, and touch human heart.

Be not weary in well doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work.

If we can tweak our language, we can improve our family.

1 Nephi ch 5 - manner of language

when someone complains, we want to defend, and that increases the contention. When someone complains against us, we need to be able to not go down to that level of complaining.

Lehi says I know I am that way. He agrees with the complaining. Verse 5 - I know the lord will deliver our sons - faith - after this manner of language did lehi comfort sariah. When someone is complaining, they need comfort, they need faith building.

Sariah was comforted by words, but second witness (when they return) she was comforted again. It takes two witnesses. We try to tell people things, but not in the manner the Lord requires, then when the good thing happens, it is not taken as a second witness.

Verse 8 - now she really knows of the power of God, and after this manner of language did she speak. She was able to leave this stressful situation with a witness of God and faith.

when the bow breaks, lehi even complains but there's no mention of sariah complaining. She has had her witness.

Elder Holland quote - relationship with each other is greatest chance to say what you want to say about the atonement. What you believe about the atonement is not going to be said in a classroom. It will come in your human relationships with other people who have problems.
ces symposium 1980

How we deal with people and their problems tells the world what we believe about the atonement.

Moroni 7:2-4 - a peaceable follower of Christ, because of how he treats other people.

By dealing with other people, it shows the Lord what is our relationship with the Lord.

When everyone bugs us, problems with everyone, it's our problem. We don't have a peaceable relationship with the savior. The more we find ourselves at odds, the more we need to turn to the savior. (I expected this class to tell me how to fix my kids, but he's saying to fix myself.)

2 Nephi 31:12-14 - we need baptism to be on the course to pursue what god wants us to pursue. If we follow the son with full purpose of heart with no deception, no hypocrisy, repent, witness that you will take the name of Christ, be baptized, then receive holy ghost, then we can speak with tongues of angels.

If we want to handle the language of spirit, the manner of language, the tongue of angels, that's we have to do. Verse 14, second witness of same thing.

You get on the path to get the Holy Ghost, it will cleanse us, and then we can speak with the tongue of angels.

it's more important to be prepared to talk than to prepare your talk. That's what Nephi is saying in 2 n 31 and 32. The lord will guide us, guide our thoughts and words. Be prepared with no hypocrisy, repenting, etc, and be able to speak with tongue of angels. (or manner of language, or proficiency of spirit.)

come home to a contentious house - the spirit of contention is very catchy. That spirit can come and be a part of us. We have to decide which spirit to listen to. 2 Nephi 32:8 - hearken to spirit that teaches man to pray. Not praying is still obedient, just not to god. In the last day, the question is not going to be if we were obedient, it is whom we were obedient to. 3 Nephi ch 11

the moment we need it most, we need the manner of language, the language of the spirit in order to communicate, give testimony, to give faith to whoever is contentious.

fighting back is obedient to Satan.

Elder Scott - how the spirit works with us at these moments. Impression to the mind is very specific. Detailed words can be heard or felt and written as though the instruction were being dictated. A communication to the heart is a more general impression. The lord often begins by giving impressions. Where there is recognition of their importance and they are obeyed, one gains more capacity to receive more detailed instruction to the mind. An impression to the heart, if followed, is fortified by a more specific instruction to the mind. 11 Aug 1998

pres monson would get impression to go back into the hospital, but doesn’t know why - once inside will get a name, then can go and serve that person. If impressions are obeyed, then greater detail can come.

first step of building attitudes of faith is having a manner of language that we can rely upon when we have to instruct those we have stewardship over.



Wednesday – Speaking Language of Faith Builds Attitudes of Faith

*Reminder to self - advice from the sweet lady sitting next to me - Noah might be helped by putting his routines on paper, as lists that he can accomplish on his own without me needing to tell him what to do. That might lessen his anger and help him to be less frustrated.

"You need to get away and slow down this merry go round of life long enough to find a quit place where you can be still and know that I am god"
Russell Ballard

If you’re hassled and you can't fin quiet moments where reverence can precede your receiving revelation you are going to miss out on one of the most important blessings of being a member of the church." Ballard

Be on time to sacrament; let the spirit work on you in the peace.

What is faith?
Things hoped for, true, not seen, principle of power and action, causative force in everything.

Do we talk of faith? Are our words said in faith?

Alma 32:21 - are they teaching faith or wishful thinking?

We don't have to have a perfect knowledge of God/Jesus Christ or of his ways, how they work.

Faith is action. We have as much faith as what we know. Faith is what we know, so we can go out and do.

1 Nephi 3:7 - sometimes we focus just on what we don't know, when faith is what we know.
I will go and do - faith statement - for I *know* the lord giveth no commandments

Laman and lemuel focused on what they didn't know, all Nephi knew that if god gives commandment, there would have to be a way, even though he didn't know how

What he knew helps him deal with the unknown.

The key to improving faith is to increase your knowledge of god and his ways. Our faith is

James 1:5 - ask is faith action, then James teaches about god - that god will answer

John 7:17 - if you need proof, ask god. You need evidence, so practice the actions that god tells you.

Faith: (from lectures on faith)
God exists
Correct idea of attributes
Actual knowledge that course you are pursuing is his will

Faith is the belief that every time you flip the light switch, the light turns on. We might have evidence that it works, but we have faith every time that it will keep working.

Taking the step in the dark is faith; having knowledge of god keeps you willing to walk in the dark.
1 Nephi 4:6 - faith statement is "led by the spirit" (not the not knowing) laman and lemuel would focus on not knowing what's around the corner, Nephi trusts that even though he doesn't know what's around the corner, he will go anyhow and god will take care of him.

The world has a hard time having faith in Christ because their knowledge of him has been diluted.

Faith statements in the scriptures are action statements, not the not knowing, it's the doing.

Nephi gained his faith through experience, being taught by his father.

1 Samuel 17:
David facing goliath is the lesser miracle in this story. The greater miracle is that he convinces the king to let him go out. David had an experience with killing a lion and a bear, so he knew that the lord saved him in the past and would save him in the future.

Record your spiritual experiences, let the lord build on them. The lord sending Nephi to get the plates, that wasn't the first time the lord told him to do something.

1nephi 2:16 - Nephi desired to know god - laman and lemuel were not willing to give up their sins to know him. We need to be willing to accept his will.

The lord will ask us to do something but will introduce himself before or right after asking. Look in scriptures for when the lord tells someone to do something, and see if there is knowledge of the attribute of god with it.

Look at the word "god" or Jesus Christ and see what each verse says about the attributes or qualities of god. Write the ways of god in the margin. Next time a challenge comes, be like Nephi - say I don't know what will happen, but I will do it, and then teach about the quality of god.

We don't use scriptures enough. We like to paraphrase scriptures a lot. Open the scriptures to bring in that second witness, nail it home and show the prophets words.

1 Nephi 3:19-20 - scriptures show the language of fathers to our children, preserve the words. The exact words in the scriptures are important. The language brings the power of the spirit.

If we think of contention as lack of faith, we want to open the scriptures. Teach them from the scriptures.

1 Nephi 17:17-18
Nephi doesn't just say, "they murmur" he says why they murmured.

Laman and lemuel did not want to labor verse 24, teaches them faith in the lord guiding their life.

Change the way we perceive contention. Often it is a lack of faith. The old way is just do it and trust, won't move us to do things. The new way is what we know about the lord guiding their actions.

Lost sheep, lost coin, prodigal son - each are lost for different reasons, the lord brings them back differently.
Sheep wanders off, the lord picks them up and brings them back. They just get distracted.

Coin gets lost by someone. The church is referred to as a "her". We have to search to find it, find out what the pain is and help them come back.

Prodigal son - the lord doesn't go after the son, he prays and waits for the prodigal son to hit bottom and then come back.

When we've lost someone, we need to know what kind of lost they are, that's how to know how to get them back.

Laman and lemuel showed some faith but they didn't build on it.


Thursday - Four Big No's of Communication

Mosiah 3:19 - we'll be an enemy of god unless we yield to enticing of god. We are perfect in our obedience - are we listening to god or to the natural man, to Satan.

In communication, in testy situations do we listen to the spirit or do we listen to the natural man. In contentious situations, with spouse or children, what do we do? Do we stay in the manner of language of the lord; do we listen to enticings of spirit? That's when we need it most.

If the kids are grouching, we send them to their room until they change their attitude. But it isn’t' lasting change. We want to be able to talk to them with the spirit. We want them to experience giving up their frustration and turning to god.

Someone who has a hard heart is whom we're dealing with. When we listen to Satan, we preach the gospel or call them to repentance, which is occasionally needed, the sharpness of truth (not the manner of language is sharp, just the directness of the words we use d&c121:43). But usually need faith building. Teach promises. If you do this, then the lord can. Why do you want them to do something? It should be able to relate to the Lord. We want to tell them that, then they can try it on their own and have that be their second witness.

We want to get them to try, to experiment on the word like Nephi did on lehi's words. We want to inspire them to take action - to kneel and pray, to go to the scriptures in this moment of contention.

We believe the lord answers our prayers. The next time you are frustrated, be a role model. Don't be snappy at people; instead choose some book of Mormon time. It is the marvelous work and a wonder.

Alma 4:19 - if we believe that verse, we use the scriptures to teach.
Alma 31:5

If you stay away from these 4 things, you'll be fine.
3 Nephi 11:23-29
All three names of the godhead are used - oneness
When we were baptized, we agreed to have no more contention - the two go hand in hand. Gift of Holy Ghost is given at baptism so we can not have contention.

Any time we make a covenant, god endows us with power to do it. So we have covenanted not to have contention and he gives us the power to do it.

Ephesians 4:25 - (the whole book is on unity) -
1. Put away lying, speak truth. Even if we aren't lying, do we try to deceive? Not give the whole truth? Make too many promises we don't keep, or make threats that we don't follow through on? Do we talk about other people and not give the complete truth? Lying is a sign of hatred (proverbs 22).
If you know someone doesn't lie, you can trust and get strength from that person. Also, you can trust a compliment from that person.
When you want someone to believe what you are saying, you will set that up with your words from the past. Anyone who sees a lie it makes you and your words less powerful.

2. Verse 26 - Anger. It's destructive. It smothers the feeling of love. Anger is a secondary emotion, we feel something else first - rejection, fear, etc - but anger is easier. You need no self-control to be angry. When you're angry with someone they cannot feel your love. It takes away your love.

Skill to overcome anger:
"I feel.... When....Because"

(You’ll need practice - say it to yourself first - you can see your own motives if you're honest)

Anger doesn't solve anything. If we get angry, we pull away our hearts.
Luke 9:51 - Samaritans were mad because Jesus was going to worship in the Jewish temple.
When we get angry, our judgments become unjust.
If you’re angry with someone, all you are going to do is make them angry with you.

Is this a problem you have to bring up, or do you realize that this is a selfishness problem. Are we putting expectations on our spouse or children that they can't meet?
Most problems are expectation problems. Adjust expectations to what is appropriate.

3. V. 29 - No corrupt communication - just what is good and edifying. No criticizing. No such thing as constructive criticism. The lord would counsel, not criticize. Counsel and inspire you to change. Talk, explore ideas, helping them see some faults that need to be corrected. Criticize is attacking, labeling. Sarcasm is criticism's sister. Sarcasm is humor wrapped in barbed wire. Attacking with humor. It's destructive. Start with keeping it out of your marriage. It needs to be out of our family. It's usually just frustration, another way of expressing frustration about life.

4. Blaming - an emotional bowel movement on someone. Taking all the ugliness in me and not wanting to deal with it, so I'm just putting it on someone else. Any frustration that I feel has nothing to do with me, it is all you. One of the signs of a blaming culture in your home is if people spend more time covering themselves. "Now, don't get me wrong!" Protecting themselves that they can't get to the true issue. You can’t spend more time trying not to get blamed than trying to fix the problem. Kids will spend more time covering themselves instead of doing good things. Wee don't always have to blame someone. Sometimes it's the routine of the family, not the individuals themselves.

All of these hurt them and us.


Friday: Stop Contention by Avoiding the First and Second Offense

most of healthiness comes down to the 4 no's: lying, anger, criticism (and sarcasm), blaming.

the lord's anger is just the guilty taking the truth to be hard.

Disagreement and fighting is two different things.

Alma 43:7-10 - 2 different motives for lamanites and nephites
someone wants you to get angry, so you can be a pawn in their power game. Pawns are expendable. Anyone who is stirring us up to anger, they've got different motives.
Lamanites: want power, control, anger
Nephites: preserve liberty, were compelled to withstand the lamanites, were obliged. They don't want to go to war, but they have to.

Mormon 3:9-10 - Nephites take the first offense, they move toward their destruction. The Lamanites would never have destroyed them if they had never taken the offensive.

Alma 48:14-15
think of how many prophets and great men Mormon had studied, and he named his son after Captain Moroni.

They had faith that the lord would prosper them, warn them, or prepare them - Moroni didn't glory in shedding of blood. Sometimes the lord told them to flee, or fight, or surrender. But they never wanted a war.

Pres. McKay, when it's okay to enter a war (not begin one)
1. An attempt by others to Dominate and to deprive others of free agency.
2. Loyalty to country.
possibly 3. A weaker nation being crushed by a stronger one.

Attitude about going to war:
don't want to, but will if we have to.

How does going to war have to do with our family. Are we quick to fight? If we can apply attitude of war to family situation, how quick are we to go to war in our family?

When can we enter a war?
If the choice is going to destroy a family, we need to defend.
Are we easily stirred up to anger like the Lamanites? Or can we be like Nephites, not easily stirred up, unless someone wants to harm our spouse or our children.

even in the war, we shouldn't get stirred up to anger. You don't need to hate the person. It is the hate and anger that is giving military people problems - they need a better cause than hate, stay focused on what they are defending.

If you want to get in a fight, set the timer for 30 seconds, because after that you aren't fighting over the issue, you are fighting to win.

There is no good reason to go to war, unless you are compelled or obliged to.

Alma 43:45-46 - you have power to stop every argument that begins by not being guilty of the first or the second offense. You can't instigate or argue back - and if you and your spouse both commit to this, there is peace.

If two kids are fighting, and we get angry, we're adding the third offense! We need to build their faith.

when someone says something to offend us, we can respond with an offense back (2nd offense) or give a peace offering. What do we say back to someone? If the world has overcome him, instead of offending back, we need to build faith.

Kids and teenagers will throw first offenses at you (and 2nd and 3rd) we need to make sure we aren't retaliating. Turn the other cheek.

One of the greatest gifts we can give our spouse and children is not giving the second offense.

Most of the time when the first offense is given, they don't even know it happened. So our second offense looks like a first offense to the other, and they have the choice to stop it.

when everyone can live like this, Zion comes. One heart, one mind. Disagree all you want, problem-solving needs to happen. We've got thousands of issues that we get along with, but we'll get focused on the few that have problems. We forget that we are doing great in so many other ways.

d&c 93:22 -
Matthew 17:24-27 - parable of the coin out of the fish - who does the king tax - his children, or strangers? Strangers. Jesus doesn't have to pay tribute to the king. But so we don't offend the king, get the miracle coin and give it as tribute.

Devotional Address by Elder Robert D. Hales

While I'm waiting, I want to record this thought, which will come as no surprise to anyone who knows me: I over think things. I overplan, I overanalyze, I overworry about things that generally work themselves out. (Ryan's going, "Yeah, trial runs, anyone?" Okay, okay, yes, you're a genius, no one needs to do trial runs of every aspect of their life, which is the tendency I have, I think in a vain attempt to control things out of my control. Today my thought is this: I spent literally hours poring over the catalog of classes, agonizing over the exact perfect combination of parenting, marriage, personal development, and gospel classes, that are simultaneously meeting all of my personal needs, yet are not too far to walk from one building to the next. Hours and hours, no joke. Today I still hadn't decided which classes to take for sure, there were just so many options. But the first hour I only had to decide between two, so I went to the Being Enough class. The teacher said that when she was agonizing about a previous ed week class, a friend told her that it doesn't matter what she prepares - people are led to the classes they need to attend, and the spirit will tell them what they need to learn from that teacher. And it's so true. I'm trying to learn to be a better mother, but every class that I take tells me how to love more, like Christ. What could make me a better mother than that? I want to learn more about the gospel, have a deeper understanding of the scriptures, and every class uses the scriptures to teach. It doesn’t matter what class I take and which I skip, the spirit is telling me what I need no matter where I am. I think that's a valid lesson that I didn't have to take a class to learn.

Quest for lifelong learning

in choosing to come to earth, we chose to progress, to know, to gain more knowledge. Lifelong learning is not only secular, it is eternal. You cannot take it with you, but knowledge has eternal significance. D&c scripture - what intelligence we obtain in this life will go with us.

Earth is a great school. Part of our eternal education. As children we learned because our parents made us, with the reward of being self-sufficient. If that is our only motivation, we will stop learning when the degrees are earned and the parents leave us alone. We need to learn for the joy of being edified rather than being entertained. Their desire is to learn to change their behavior, to improve themselves and the world.

The scriptures give us the curriculum of the lifetime learner - things of the world and of heaven, things of nations, wars, judgments on the land, countries and kingdoms.

Nephi was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father. The lifelong learner knows no boundaries in their quest for knowledge. They have an insatiable desire to learn of all subjects and disciplines, on all the wide subjects that interest them.

Is it a genetic gift, or can you learn the desire for learning? Anyone willing to pay the price, heavenly father will bless us with the drive to become lifelong learners.

how can we improve our desire and the desire of others to be lifelong learners?

Attributes of lifelong learners:
Courage
Faithful desire
humility
patience
willingness to share what we've learned

Courage - to overcome fear of leaving limits of comfort zone and enter unknown. We dwell in our strengths, avoid our weaknesses. Dwell in security of our past, fear of ignorance. Need courage to have faith in darkness.

Faithful desire - insatiable unselfish desire to gain knowledge for the mere joy of obtaining knowledge without need for rewards. Desire for self-improvement, happier life, knowledge that will help them be better mothers, wife, servants in the kingdom. Seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom.

Humility - recognize the source of all knowledge is a gift of god. The humble will be blessed. Intelligence is a gift of god, don't become prideful of i.q. or accomplishments. God metes out each piece of intelligence in his time, in his way. The lord gives knowledge and wisdom to us. We should use that to lift and strengthen other. Learning is a gift of the spirit.

Patience - understand that diligence and energy and time are needed to gain knowledge. Sometimes what we learn today doesn't seem valuable for months or years. Ponder the knowledge so we can put the knowledge to use when needed.

Curiosity - as children, curiosity is instinctive, learners find techniques that surpass what they learn at school. They don't lose curiosity. Ask question why, and then finding answers. The thrill of investigating and finding answer didn't know is wonderful. Personal aha moments when wee see larger picture all at once. Edison - I have not failed, I’ve found 10,000 ways that didn't work.

Communication - find joy when those they teach by sharing knowledge are uplifted. Communicate with god to give thanks for knowledge. Sharing with other learners, great teachers are also great listeners. Great teachers produce lifelong learners - don't provide all answers, but lead them to fountain and give them desire to drink.

Scripture study is a lifelong learning experience. Now matter how many times we read it, through Holy Ghost we will gain new insights to meet life's challenges. Yesterday's meal is not enough to meet today's needs.
gospel learning comes one precept at a time, must read over and over.

Mosiah didn't teach sons how to read to get ahead in the world, it was so he could be spiritually wise. Lehi took plates in wilderness so they could remember how to be children of god. It's why scriptures are for us at this time.

Sincere desire, faith, prayer, obedience aid scripture study. It doesn't require years of formal education. Unlearned and ignorant like peter and john gained gospel knowledge by listening to words of the savior. Masters degree in theology is less important than the degree of knowledge we can gain from the Master.

Learn principles and doctrines, not places and names. Find insights for your life, it's an instruction manual for becoming like the savior. It's a quest for spiritual insights and understanding and growth that comes from application.

We grow in spirit as we care for our neighbors and the world around us.

Results of learning are not reflected in grades and honors, but who we become. Our qualities, faith hope and love are most important ways to progress as individuals. As we increase mental capacity we receive new insight, if we ponder we can get additional insight that solves a question or one of life’s' problems. That is the sweet mystery of lifelong learning. When we experience leap of faith.

Have prayer before and after scrip study - before, to prepare, after to give thanks and gratitude for what has been given us.

Scriptures and gospel are eternal curriculum. Learn why we are here.

Lifetime learning past present and future. Learners see connection between what we learned in past, with what we are learning in the present and what we can learn in the future. Always open for idea sin future, spending lives learning, being better than our best. Personal progress is simply that, best of today is not good enough for tomorrow.

Michael Phelps set world record in 2004, but now needed to be better than his best to win this Year. he shaved off a whole minute from the 1904 time. What an example of being better than your best. If we don't try to grow every day, we won't be able to meet demands of tomorrow.

Sometimes learning is limited by capacity of our mind, and we have to expand the capacity of our mind. Or we place limitations on ourselves.

never dwell on the past or attempt to protect your comfort zone against changes on future advancements that will be needed.

D&c 138 - gave people hope
like Christ, our endings usher in new eras. Lifelong learners don't dwell on past, they build on past.

Milestones seem like ultimate goal, then leave us depressed, then ask your self what next? The end is only the dawn of a new beginning. Enjoy a moment of satisfaction of progress you've made, then turn around to see what new peaks are now in sight and set a course to climb higher into he future. The achievement on the past will help you achieve in the future.

Time stops for no man. What we do with our time will determine the degree of lifelong learning we will bring to the eternities.

Motherhood is the ideal opportunity for lifelong learning. Leaning grows as she nurtures child in development years. They learn and mature together. It is exponential not linear learning. Each child brings added dimension to learning. Their needs are so demanding and different. A mother learns so much of psychology, education, biology, development of gifts, nursing, etc. Think of spiritual learning that is required to teach gospel principles, to teach fhe, relief society, primary, etc. A mothers opportunity for learning is universal - don’t' sell yourself short as a woman. Or as a mother. The world would stand that a woman is in a form of servitude that doesn't allow her to express talents. Don't let the world define denigrate or limit your feeling of lifelong learning and motherhood and benefit you give to your children and husband. Learning helps self-worth, is invigorating mentally, and improves self-doubt. Progress and improvement are essence of lifelong learning.

Only goal is living eternal life and faithfully enduring to the end - everything else is corollary. Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, that gets understanding. (O.T.?)

glory of god is intelligence. To basic intelligence we add knowledge, to that we add experience, and that equals wisdom. With all thy getting get understanding. The world stops at wisdom, the lord teaches us understanding.

Wisdom plus gift of Holy Ghost give us understanding. We will no more desire to do evil, wee will long for returning to father.

Ponder and seek to acquire the attributes of lifelong learners. Ask what is the meaning and value of each characteristic to me? How do they apply to me? How can it make it a part of my life? How ca I enhance these qualities in my life? If you only seek to improve one quality in your life it will make a difference in your life and your future.

We cannot only believe but to know that god lives. Seek to know, and it will be granted to you. Seek to let others know that the gospel is restored.

How To Write a Personal History Folks Will Want to Read

By Dawn Parrett Thurston

I picked this class because I needed an emotional break after the last one - couldn't quite handle the parenting class that I was heading towards, so I turned around and went back to this one. I already had to take a dose of Excedrin, earlier in the day than I had planned.

"When an old person dies it's as if a library burns down." You will always wish you had written down the stories they had, you think you'll remember, but you only remember basics, not the details.

Www.memoirmentor.com

some histories lack warmth, not personal, just details.

We come from a long Mormon tradition of keeping histories - Joseph Smith tells his personal story, Nephi starts with his family and their situation, lots of autobiographies of pioneers.

Spencer W. Kimball urges all people to write family history, encourage parents and grandparents to write family journals.

Life stories come in all flavors - personal history
-autobiography - history that covers scope of whole life
-memoirs - a portion of a life, just childhood, for example, like Angela's Ashes - some have a theme, like military career, a hobby, spiritual experiences
- personal essays - take a topic you are interested in, ruminate about it, include stories from your life
-journal, diary -
-blog entries
-story collection - random stories from life
-"graphic" memoir - pictures to go with the stories

What are you writing?
For me, I write blog entries and personal essays, focusing on my life as a mother of young children, so I can remember when my kids are older.

Who am I writing for? I write for myself, first, then my family, and then for friends who are both Mormon and not. My writing is on the Internet, so could be broadly public.

What is my completion deadline? I would like to write continually, not necessarily publish a completed book, but to always be writing. Maybe I'd like to write about my history, in story form, that would be a complete book.

Maybe have family contribute stories about particular topics, and then compile it in an anthology.

Components of a Personal History
Events - school, graduation, etc.
People - who influenced us, who shaped us
Places - they are also characters, where we lived shaped us also
Life Context - what was going on in the world around you when you were growing up, that might have shaped decisions that were made in your life
Reaction - what these events, people, places meant to us - people go awry here because they don't put in these personal feelings, be honest about how we are, how we feel about certain things. Especially in Mormon culture, we try to make us look like paragons of virtue, but it's unbelievable, and feels sterile.
Story - tell it like a story, don't write it like a report, not just expository.

Avoid pedigree chart stories, listing birth date, lists of names and dates, boring.

themes you'll hear this week:
being personal, be human, be honest, be fair, be specific, and use lots of details

getting started: make lists
build a database of information, to help recall
-make list of stories that must be told
-important people - your VIP list
-places you've lived
-favorites: toys, food, songs, and movies
-pets
-boyfriends/girlfriends
-cars you've owned
-hobbies, classes you've taken, callings
-turning points in your life

What is a turning point?
A major event that changes the direction of your life.
- move, crises, chance comment, sometimes someone says something that changes who we are, mission, military, loss of loved one, new job.

Turning points in my life:
moving to California
moving to Eldersburg
meeting Ryan
having brad
Ryan telling me I should write
auditioning for to kill a mockingbird

make charts: chronological chart of date, event, and historical events that occurred at that time
(i.e. Birth date, event is birth, history is top songs of that year)

here's what I recommend:
1. Make list of stories that must be told
2. Pick a story that interests you and write about it.
3. Then pick another, etc.

big concept: show, don't tell
it makes all the difference in your writing. Telling is the book reports from school.

Comparing meanings: tell is explain, inform, describe, and narrate.
Show is demonstrate, exhibit, illustrate, reveal

"don't just tell me you love me, show me!"
the principle is as important to good writing as it is to good relationships.

telling summarizes, no evidence, instead tell a story or what someone would have really said, it shows who someone is by letting him or her speak. The reader makes the judgment, not you.

Instead of just telling facts, turn it into a scene, where personalities are revealed and feelings are displayed. It makes you feel like you are in the moment, learn more than just the facts.

Some people are gifted, but everyone improves with practice.

show with detailed description, so people can visualize what people looked like. First go round, just get something down on paper. Then on edit, what can you add to make this person be more alive? Add the detail afterwards.

how do you show?
Create a scene
creating dialogue
using details to put readers in the moment
writing descriptions

this is a website with the slides from a class on family histories, shared by the woman sitting next to me:
http:home.lib.byu.edu/~rcf3/

Wednesday – How To Write About People In Your Life: Making Them More Than Names On A Page


Writers read - read the kind of book you want to write
As you read, analyze what they are doing that makes the book so interesting to read.

Patrick McManus (humor writer) - he made a writing schedule 7-9 pm 7 nights a week and tried never to miss a day. It was pure writing time, not doing research, not making notes, not thinking about writing, just pounding the keys even when there was nothing to write. The writing eventually became better, if not easier.

When could I devote some hours a week to writing?

Online resource: www.memoirmentor.com has info, list of memoirs etc.

Day 2 - about people and breathing life into your characters

There are a lot of people in your life that changed who you are
Parents
Spouse
Children
Mentors
Old flames
Rivals
Friends
Relatives
Teachers

Put flesh on the bones of your people - your challenge is to make the people in your story more than just names on the page. They must seem like real people - what's unique, memorable, and human

Writing exercise - what is unique about a parent?
I moved to a new ward when I was newly married, newly pregnant, and knew nobody. I met a man who had served a mission in Maryland where I grew up. When I told him my maiden name, he burst out into a massive belly laugh, out of nowhere - in exact mimicry of my father. As it turned out, my father was the ward mission leader when this man was a missionary, 15 years before when I was about 5 years old.
My father is known for his frequent laugh. He has a great sense of humor and always looks for the humor in a situation. This gets him in trouble frequently, as my childhood is peppered with incidents where we'd be trying to pay attention to the sacrament talks and he'd be writing on the program all sorts of funny observations. It was completely irreverent, and quite possibly a bad example, but laughter is the main memory I have of my childhood.
Hearing my fathers laugh come out of this strangers mouth gave me an instant feeling of home in this new place.

How do you do it?
Show what they look like - detail, precision. How do novelists describe their characters? Avoid "she was short and attractive" too vague. "Average height and weight and middle aged" "stylish dresser" - leaves too much for imagination. Be aware of generations, who you are writing to, avoid generalities.

Book recommendation: Rick Bragg - It's all over but the shouting. Also the Prince of Frogtown.

Make your similes and metaphors apt and original.
-Hair was straight as a kite string on a windy day
-Words come out in a tumbled rush, like puppies spilling out of a cardboard box
-As dull as...
Don't use the some thoughts you always have.

Show people in action.
Capture your characters' mannerisms and behavior.
Does she fold her arms across her chest when she talks?
Does he clear his throat?
Does she walk or talk rapidly or slowly?
Is he checking his watch cleaning his glasses, straightening tie?
Can she sit still without doing something like folding laundry?

Don't just have talking heads, give them movement during dialogue.

Show how people affected others.
Show the reaction from someone's behavior, how they affect you, instead of just saying how the person is.

Translate emotions into behavior. Don't just say "I felt sad" show your behavior that shows sadness.

Book: Tobias Woolf's This Boy's Life

Get your feelings into it, how you felt about things is how you make yourself seem human.

Borrow a technique from movie directors
Use scenes in your story. Don't just summarize the events, actually recreate the moment and let the reader come along with you.


Thursday:
Writing about Places - Creating your life context

The importance of setting - the places we've lived our lives

Book: Growing Up by Russell Baker

Use senses, be descriptive

Building a place:
Occupations
Recreation
Attitudes
Traditions
Sights, sounds, smells
Hangouts
Crises
Industries
Commerce
Terrain
Weather
Houses
Weather seasons
Population
Transportation
History

Don’t write a travel brochure. Don't include everything on that list; it's not an encyclopedia entry.

Things to consider:
What do people need to know to visualize your community the way you remember it?
What made it home for you?
How can you make your descriptions personal?

Recreate places as they were in your day, not how it is now.

Give a sense of place by using all of the senses.

Establish environment of other places visited, not just where you live.

Can write in the past tense, then enter a "scene" written in the present tense, then go back.

Ideas:
A backyard
An outhouse
A kitchen

Recreating Your World
How to develop your life context

No one was raised in a bubble. Things have been going on around us that influenced us, decisions parents made, or where you went to school, or how you felt about yourself. We can't leave those things out. Write outside the box, not just inside your life.

What is life context?
The communities where you lived - prejudice, small town, socioeconomics, did you fit in, major industry?
The family you came from - money, parent's personalities, discipline style, emotional problems, your position in the family, religion.
Local, regional, and national events - the Depression, wars, economics, local things.
Personality and I.Q.
Trends and fashions of the times - songs, movies

What does this mean? Our readers have to understand our world if they are ever going to understand us.

What does a reader need to know about my world to understand me better?
How was my experience different from what people experience today?
What influence did the event have on me?
Would I be any different if that event didn't happen?

What was it like to be a child in your day?
Family discipline
Relationship of kids to elders
Educational ideas
Recreation - what did you do for fun as a family?
Family routine, dinnertime
Childhood home, bedrooms
Societal norms, what is bad behavior
Family concerns, what did your parents worry about

Don't forget pop culture
Going to movies, going on vacation

Tie context material to your life
Don’t just include a laundry list of events
Show why this is important
Don’t take for granted that people know that history

Use Internet to do research
Life context stuff is vital to ancestral biographies

How has your life intersected with history? What historical events shaped, were memorable in your life?


Friday: How to write a page-turner, giving it some pizzazz.

"History will be kind to me, because I intend to write it." Winston Churchill

How to approach difficult situations, difficult people. If you want to write something that matters, it needs to be a matter of prayer. It's a big responsibility to write about the lives of people that are important to us.

How to write a page-turner:
Bring out conflict, without telling the ending, show the roadblocks, getting feelings on paper so they are rooting for you.

Don't worry about your image, about being the hero of your story. It distances people. Be human, and your readers will be drawn to you.

Book: Inventing the Truth, the art of memoir.

The gorilla in the room - the problem of truth telling. How much do we hold back? If we leave things out or put a fine gloss over things, it takes out the believability of our story. It casts doubt over the rest of the story. At the same time, we have other people's reputation in our hands.

there are ways of telling the truth that are less hurtful. If it's clear the author has an axe to grind, you think less of the author. You know that there's another side to the story. So if you're too hurtful, it's us that come across as bad. There's a way to tell it with humor and grace and have an ability to rise above.

How much truth can you handle? How much truth can your readers handle? It's easier to write about difficult people when they are not alive. But some family members can't handle anything that's not pleasant.

how do you handle personal or family skeletons?

"If you can't get rid of a family skeleton, you might as well make it dance." George Bernard Shaw.

It's a balancing act. Weigh these things:
Its importance to your story.

Writing about children is harder than about people who have gone before, because children still have their lives ahead of them and the promise of repentance.

What is your purpose in writing this story? Are you trying to purge guilt, or vent, or lay blame - selfish purposes, or are you trying to share with family, etc?
Who is your audience?
Your family - what kind of damage can you do?
The tone - are you striking out, blaming, putting labels on people?
Be fair. They often have reasons for being the way they are. Talk about motivations, contributing factors. Show both sides of someone, showing the negative and the good.
Your tolerance for criticism, rejection, or disinheritance.

You get as many chances as you want to get it right. You can write all the junk for therapeutic purposes, then let it sit. Maybe give it to a trusted person to review, see if you can make it gentler.

Tell the truth with love. Look at your motives, find grace and forgiveness, but don't hedge. Keep integrity.

Writing exercise: identify traits and their opposites. What would be the benefit of having that trait?

Get your facts right. What you hear from rumor that's been passed down, make sure there's validation for it.

Avoid moralizing. Stay off the soapbox, labeling people and acting more righteous than people. Remember the generational differences because what is acceptable at one time may not be in another.

Let readers form their own conclusions. Put it out there and don't put a judgment on it.

How much truth should you tell about yourself? Should you reveal things about your past that show you aren't perfect? They know you aren't perfect already. You don't need to show all the gory details - you will seem more human, you can show you've learned, grown.

Don't exaggerate.

Book recommendations:
Angela's Ashes - Frank McCourt
The glass castle
All over but the shoutin'
This boy's life - Tobias Woolf
When I was Puerto Rican - Esmeralda Santiago

Begin with a hook. Start with something to grab the reader's attention. Put you in the action right at the very beginning.
Middles and endings make better beginnings. Your birth wasn't very interesting.
Begin at a high point. What has your life been about?
Or begin at a low point. Story is about how you got there, and how you got to where you are now.

Journeys are good beginnings, life-changing events. Book: On Gold Mountain by Lisa See.

More than just a hook
Your beginning establishes your style, tone, and theme if you have one.

Cut the clutter. Decide what's essential and what's not. Select incidents that demonstrate certain things, if you show too much you'll bore people. Make list of stories that must be told or outline or chronology or table of contents to keep you on track.

Don't overdo adjectives and adverbs.

Writing is not a McDonalds hamburger. The cooking is slow, and in the beginning you don't know if you're getting a roast, a banquet or a lamb chop. Anne Lamott

Get a pair of fresh eyes to read your story. It's a lonely business, and you don't know how you're doing. You need someone to give you objective reactions.

By writing your story, you'll see you had a meaningful life.

Being Enough, Knowing Enough, Doing Enough

By Kathy Headlee, CEO of Mothers Without Borders

Mark 5:36
Ask myself what does this have to do with me?

As we make changes in our lives, we can change the world, nothing is the same again.

sometimes we withhold praise, compliments, love - why? Why do we
sometimes give and sometimes withhold?

Satan's plan was a plan of fear, God's plan was a plan of love.

Fear is:
discouragement
despair
anxiety
jealousy
anger
resentment
worry
criticism
hatred
contention
hard hearted
unforgiving
apathy
inaction
selfishness
greed
scarcity

Love is:
hope
joy
kindness
compassion
mercy
laughter
empathy
understanding
forgiveness
patience
courage
insight
enlightenment
wisdom
possibility
peace
humility

When you feel any of these things, you are feeling either fear or love. Contention comes from a fear-based place.

Satan tells us we can do enough, we don’t have enough, we will never be enough - why did we choose this plan anyhow, there is no way you can be enough, no way you can do enough.

Perilous times trigger fear. People who suffer understand the love of god, they live with faith.

d&c 104:14-17 - there is enough and to spare - there is enough love, enough atonement, money, food, we have to believe it and live it. It is our nature to operate from a space of love.

When you get in a place of fear, remember who you are, who they are, whose you are, and remembering will take you to a place of love. Forgetting takes you to fear.

What things can I do in my life that will help me to remember?
Honest prayer, humbly, earnestly.
Reading scriptures.
Serving.

ask where you need to go, direction to whom you can help, it's usually for your benefit.

3 Nephi 27:27, mosiah 3:19 - these divine attributes can't be learned sitting in a classroom, we have to live through them, they can't be developed in a hurry. We need clinical experience - those things through which we are asked to pass. (Maxwell)

how can we be more like god by acting through a position of love?

We have to act patient in order to become patient, act loving to become loving, but the goal is to be that kind of person, loving and patient.

we don't need to feel discouraged that we can't do enough - our feet need to be firmly planted on the path of service (Monson).

Each time we act upon god's love through us, it is transformational to us and to those we act towards.

In serving, comes remembering

remembering who we are and whose we are dispels fear

fear breeds inaction

remember that faith and fear cannot exist in the same mind at the same time

be not afraid, only believe
Isaiah 41:10
2 kings 6:16
2 timothy 1:7
1 john 4:18

Kathy started the group Mothers Without Borders, a charity that goes to third world countries to give aid to mothers and children. I've heard of the group before and have always wished I could join them. I don't know why I feel that way so strongly, but I've always wanted to help in that way. I feel guilty, because certainly there would be plenty of needy children in, for example, America - I don't need to go to some foreign country to help people, and why am I not actively engaged in helping people here? I don't know, but to be honest, there is something about the abject poverty and wretched circumstances that put America's poor to shame.

Anyhow, she told several stories and showed pictures of these women dying of AIDS - one had a little baby who looked just like Darcey's age, who is also dying, and I think I haven't stopped crying yet. I need to be there, I need to help, because there is so much pain there that I just can't fix.

Her message was one of hope and love, that even though we can't fix the world, we can make the world better in our own way, by loving the people we are around and praying to have the Lord direct our actions so we can bless the lives of others. But it was still hard to watch and not have my heart break into a zillion pieces. I want to be there so badly. I want to take my children to see the way millions of people live, to give them some perspective when they say "There's nothing to eat in this house!" It's going to take me a whole day to gear myself up to go back to that class.


Wednesday – Be Hopeful, Be Happy – A Conscious Choice

No place for guilt unless sin involved, go to a place of gratitude instead. Ask if you could be doing more, saying more, if not, be grateful instead and ask the Lord to give you gratitude.

If you chose hope, you are choosing love. It also brings hopefulness into others lives you touch.

Let other people know that they can return to Heavenly Father - have confidence in them, tell them they can do the things they need to do.

Hope - being hopeful and being happy is a conscious choice

Look up scriptures that talk about hope
Ether 12:4 - not just hope for eternal world, but hope for better world today

Heavenly Father sent us here with hope, knowing we were coming to a fear-based world. All things work for good for those who love the lord, and we can have confidence in that.

Maxwell quote: it's okay for us to not know everything (1n11:17) "then as immortals possessed of immortal principles we can overcome the mortal trials and we can put the pressing things of the day in precious perspective."

We shouldn't glibly explain away our problems; admit it's okay to not know the answers to the hard questions. Don't
assume you know, go to the Lord and tell him you don't know; ask for help and for answers.

It's okay for a problem to be too big to handle alone. It's okay for a problem to be serious, the Lord will help us.

Everyone in Africa is either infected or affected by AIDS - and we should be affected too.

Other people's fear can trigger your fear, so be aware when someone else shows fear stay in a place of love.

It's okay for us to have difficult trials because we have hope and faith in Jesus Christ to save us, to help us.

6,000 children a day become orphans in sub-Saharan Africa.

Jesus Christ is where our hope needs to come from. Through him our hearts will be made whole, our suffering will be healed.

My thoughts:

The second day didn’t get any easier. The class ended with a slideshow of photos taken in Africa. The artist Liz Lemon Swindle came to Zambia to paint a picture of Jesus among the children of Africa, and they brought a man who was a model of Jesus Christ. The pictures of this man with these children were exactly what you would picture Christ looking like with these children. He was tender, he was loving, he smiled and laughed and loved them. I was overwhelmed with the thought that these babies are just as precious as my babies. Why would we think that we are any better, any more special than they are? The lord loves those children just as much as my children, and in a way that makes them my children too. I am overwhelmed with love for these children and the desire to do anything I can to help them. The spirit is working on me so hard that it’s difficult to keep coming to this class. I really don't want to come back so that I can stop feeling so much love and pain for them.


Friday: Be the Change You Wish to See in the World

we need to love the people that the Lord has put in your path. Whatever you do and whomever you love, the Lord is pleased, and it is equal in his eyes. All I have to do is walk my path and love who crosses my path.

What are some of the changes you want to see in the world? The world for you might be your home, your community, you marriage, your ward, or a global level. What is the Lord saying to me, where should I focus? D&c 45:26. 88:91, Luke 21:9.

It doesn't matter if it's "the last days" because it's always my last days and I have to live that way.

Matthew the love of many will wax cold and peace will be taken from the earth.

Heavenly father knew that this would be the condition of the world we live in, and sent us here anyway, sent us here on purpose, knowing it would be okay and we would be up to the challenge.

moses 7:41 - Enoch, all eternity shook when he saw our day, bitterness of soul and refused to be comforted. We feel that way when we hear about people suffering. When we open our hearts and eyes to these things, it hurts, but we ask God to guide us. His answer to us would be to love. We can't fix it, but we can be an instrument in his hands.

There is more priesthood and temples than ever in the history of man. The heavens have been opened, there is a lot to rejoicE of. We don't have to be scared because our love is bigger than the bad things we are seeing.

The HIV/AIDS pandemic is producing orphans on a scale unrivaled in world history. These children are meant to be raised in families. There is no coincidence that the family proclamation came forth at the same time as this crisis.

Every 14 seconds, a child loses a parent to aids. Today, 6,100 children will become orphans as a result of this holocaust. There are 43 million orphans in sub-Saharan Africa alone. If we were alive during the Jewish holocaust, would we have done anything to stop it? We'd like to think so, but we're in the middle of the greatest holocaust in the history of man, and we are in a position to make a change.

80% of people infected with aids are women and children.

Even if the only thing you can do is pray, that's enough - open your heart to ask for heavenly father to help those of his children who are suffering.

D&c 104:17 - there is enough and to spare. Heavenly father will not direct you to give more than you can handle. You can't give enough love.

Book: end of poverty - there are enough resources in the world to provide for everyone.

Ask heavenly father: is this your job or my job? There is no way to help everyone, so how do you choose? The lord will tell you which people it is our job to help, and which are the Lord's job.

Mourn with those that mourn, but don't question the time of death. He won't take anyone one nanosecond before he's ready to welcome us home. We can't fix everything. The time between birth and death is given to man.

matt 6:8
2 Nephi 9:20
words of Mormon 1:7
Helaman 8:8
Abraham 2:8
things might be a surprise to us, but the lord was expecting it and is ready to direct us.

Elder Holland may 1996 talk - a handful of meal and a little oil.