Monday, April 28, 2008

Words To Impress People At Parties

Ryan made up a new word yesterday, a new word so interesting and provocative and fun to say that I need to come up with more reasons to throw it around.  Sadly, though, I am afraid that it is a word that might shock those with weaker constitutions, namely people who don't handle children and their many bodily functions on a daily basis.  For us active moms and dads, this word might just fill a need you never knew you had.

Ready for it?  Here it is:

Peepee aftersmell

Yes, that's right, pee pee aftersmell.  I'm waiting for Webster's to come knocking on my door, asking for permission to use this one in the very next edition of the dictionary, because there is truly not another word in the english language just like it.

What is a pee pee aftersmell, you ask?  Let me explain its origin and possibly use it in a sentence.  I bought a new brand of cleaning spray, a version of Lysol 4-in-1 cleaner that is blue liquid in a clear bottle.  I had been sent to the store to buy Windex, but this was cheaper, and once we got it home we found out why.  The stuff absolutely cannot clean mirrors - every time I look through that hazy mess I take off my glasses and clean them, only to discover that the haze isn't going away.  Some people complain about looking through the net at a baseball game - this is like putting your makeup on while looking through gauze.  Streaky gauze, at that.

To make matters worse, the stuff stinks.  It might not stink on its own, but combined with whatever lethal bacteria live in my bathroom, the resulting scent is absolutely disgusting.  Ryan was commenting on this awful smell when he described it as being having a "pee pee aftersmell."

I think the idea he was going for was comparing it to an aftertaste, where it's not the flavor of the food when you eat it, it's the lingering taste in your mouth.  This is an aftersmell - not necessarily the scent that the cleaner is when it's sprayed, but the smell that lingers in the bathroom afterwards.  An aftersmell.  

Pee pee, of course, is a word that needs no introduction, especially to those of us for whom bodies and their functions need to be broken down to the lowest common denominator.  One of the things that no one tells you before you have kids is that you need a whole separate language in order to talk to your kids.  Yes, yes, I know that the politically correct thing to do is to teach your kids the proper words for body part, and I do, mostly.  But trust me, you back off of the whole truth and nothing but the truth the first time your three year old announces anything in public having to do with his penis.  I'm sure one day I'll make sure all of my kids know the word "urinate" and "toilet" and "bowel movement" but for now, let's just make this as gentle as possible, for the sake of the listening public.

So, to sum up, pee pee aftersmell would be anything that has a secondary smell that is vaguely reminiscent of pee.  I think it is the perfect word to describe the smell that hits you when you remove a baby's wet diaper - even after they've been cleaned up, sometimes they need a good soak in the tub to remove that pee pee aftersmell.  Those are really the only two specific usages I have come up with, the smell of baby bottoms post-diaper change and Lysol 4-in-1 cleaner.  

But a word that good can't go to waste, though, so I've decided on another usage:  it would make a fantastic band name!  Listen to it:

"Okay, opening for Limp Bizkit tonight, give it up for Pee Pee Aftersmell!"  

Oh yeah, I totally would go to a Pee Pee Aftersmell concert, any day of the week.  You couldn't help but have a rockin' time.

And here's my other brilliant idea:  it would make the best username on message boards and chat rooms and whatnot.  You could even go with initials, to make it a little more name-y:  P.P. Aftersmell.  Or make it French - Pepe Aftersmell.  

Go ahead, use our new word, make it your own!  I'd love to hear what other things have a pee pee aftersmell, or if now that you have a word for that smell, you all of a sudden start smelling things in a different light.  Most importantly, though, try to use this new word to others.  Spread it around, because the peepee aftersmell train is leaving the station, and you don't want to miss the next big word to hit town!  Excuse me, the phone is ringing, I think it must be Webster's!

1 comment:

rachel said...

So, what about the smell of my once clean bathroom after I had a son who was potty trained? That is definitely some kind of aftersmell :).

And, what about the load of laundry that, as I load it into the washer, I find a pair of pants and or underwear that were part of a wetting accident I wasn't told about.
Could those qualify?