Parenting is tricky business. Every day I figure out something new about being a parent that I never realized before, and I've been at this for 12 years. At the hospital after having each child, a nurse stopped by and gave me a questionnaire with all of the topics a new mother might have questions about, and she would then teach a little lesson about how to do things like change a diaper, breastfeeding, anger management, etc. Today I'd like to present a brief list of the things that they never told me at the hospital. Feel free to add your own insights in the comments.
1. Children always start fighting when you have conditioner in your hair and one leg shaved.
2. Frequently, the determining factor when making a child-rearing decision is, "Will doing this get me acquitted by a jury of my peers?"
3. Not only do children not come with an instruction manual, they also do not come with something much more useful - a can of carpet cleaner. I had this thought last week while scrubbing a mess that Huggies failed to contain.
4. It's probably not a good idea to show your kid how surprised you are at a good report card.
5. While YOU may find your toddler's nascent vocabulary utterly charming, it'd be a good idea to provide a babysitter a Toddler-to-English dictionary, so she knows that "sis-a-weh-wah" means "Cinderella." Also that the non-replicatable six-syllable word that she screams in front of the refrigerator means "strawberries."