Making Marital Adjustments

by Doug Brinley

Wednesday: What Prophets Say About Marital Problems/Solutions

Why the increase in divorces and unhappy married couples the past few decades?

What do our prophets say the problem is and what are their solutions?

Baptists have highest divorce right 29%
Atheists 21
Agnostic 20
Jews 23
Mormons 24
Temple married Mormons 6%

If we don't marry in the temple, we are just as likely as the rest of the world to get divorced.

Hinckley - couple had habit of speaking of the faults of the other, unwilling to forgive mistakes, unwilling to forget, carping - a small measure of repentance and forgiveness, they would still be together.

Is this a skill problem?

Hinckley - I find selfishness to be the root cause of most of it.
A happy marriage is not so much a matter of romance as it is an anxious concern for the comfort and well being of one's companion. It's the basis of money problems, adultery, lust.
Selfishness is the antithesis
of love. Too many think everything must be right at all times. 1991 ensign

Kimball - divorce is not a cure of difficulty, just an escape. Every divorce is the result of selfishness on the part of one or the other.

Kimball the acceptance of divorce as a cure is a sin of this generation. Marriage never was easy.

Benson April 1986 - selfishness is one of the more common faces of pride. How everything affects me is the center of all.

The lord references "heart problem" soft or hard hearts. 22 references in 1 Nephi
453 in book of Mormon
720 in bible

1 n 2:16, 18-19
Nephi softened heart, laman and lemuel did not
1n7:8, 19
1nephi 12:17
14:1-2
13
15:3,11
etc

Nobody thinks their selfishness, although they think other people are. It's got to be somebody else.

Packer- true doctrine softens hearts- changes behavior
Mosiah 5:2 Alma 5:11-13
Spirit wrought mighty change in heart, to no more do evil, but good continually - that would make a good spouse

Atonement fall creation are the basics

Maxwell - the distance between self-pleasing and self-worship is not far. (Nov 1990) selfishness activates all the cardinal sins. It is the detonator of the Ten Commandments.

Dc 116:11 - be ashamed of littleness of soul - change bishop to husband/wife father/mother

How do we have littleness of soul?

D&c 66 - no wonder he left the church (although It answered a prayer)



Thursday: Doctrines That Strengthen Marriage

The nature of God is the most basic concept of religion.

Joseph Smith - most of mankind does not understand the character of god, therefore don't know themselves. God was as we are now, is an exalted man - he is a man in form. We know we can converse with him as one man to another, and he dwelt on this earth.

Much different than the world's view of the nature of god.

What do we know about H.F.?
Elohim - Hebrew, plural
Married - a husband
Parent - a father
Has a home/residence - Abraham 3:1-4,9 near Kolob, star that gravitationally controls that planet - our premortal home
Was once a man like us, dwelt on an earth

We need to stay close to the lord, because he is a father and wants to help us. There is no problem he can't resolve - there is no child that he would say "I haven't seen one like this!"

The lord and his servants know more about helping marriage and families than secular help.
No one has more interest in our success than the Lord does.

Father of many spirit children, many worlds d&c 76:23-24 - inhabitants are his spirit children. His world is resurrected, glorified and celestial as this earth will be dc 88:19-20

Spirit children - the nature of the offspring is determined by the nature of the substance that flows in the veins of the being. Spirit/resurrected beings have spirit matter

Melvin Ballard, 3 degrees of glory pamphlet

JS - resurrected beings will have spirit in their bodies, not blood.

So we as resurrected glorified beings will have spirit children, like Heavenly Father did.

Would we want a mission for our children that will test their souls? Or that will drive them to their knees? Finding people to teach is the hardest part of a mission can make you wonder if you are doing any good. But most are grateful for the experience, no matter how hard it is.

That's kind of how mortality is. When we get to the other side, we'll reflect on earth life the same way. The life cycle is painful; we don't tell newlyweds that one spouse will eventually have to bury the other one.

Father's joy is to see us do well, like all parents. His goal is to bring to pass our immortality and eternal life, for us to become as he is. Hence the importance of marriage in the plan of salvation. Moses 1:39

Elder oaks - our theology begins with heavenly parents. Our highest aspiration is to be like them. Ensign may 1995.

Hebrews 12:9 - Paul taught that god is the father of our spirits

How do you think heavenly father treats his wife? Is he critical, sarcastic? Do they have a fight once a month just to clear the air?

Pornography is so damnable because you can't be in the celestial kingdom with thoughts in your head about another person. You can't look at another person that way, it's someone else's wife.

By your words, by your deeds, and your thoughts you will be judged.

Zeezrom was converted because amulek was able to discern his thoughts by the power of the spirit. We have to have pure thoughts and pure minds and end up in the celestial kingdom, thinking about what they would do with another person. Eternal marriage involves a sexual relationship, creating spirit children. Adultery would be possible physically.

Our father understands the trials and challenges of mortality we undergo because he has been through them himself. Every marriage has access to the best marriage and family counselor in the universe.

Nature of evil spirits - Heber c Kimball in journal of discourses saw in vision evil spirits in spirit bodies, in image of god with no body. Satan's curse is that he will never be a husband/father - thus he works to destroy marriages/families. When we start fighting, guess who is applauding? That's why we get endowed before sealed, because we need that power and knowledge of the evil that will be attacking our marriage.

Dc 130:22, 88:14-18 - soul
Ether 3:8, 16-17 nature of spirits
Dc 77:2-3 - spirit body like mortal body
Dc 129:4-9 - keys to discern - you can't tell by looking if someone is a mortal or resurrected etc. We can't feel spirit. Nothing in mortality can destroy a spirit
Dc 131:7-8 - spirit matter is elastic, adult spirit in newly born body
dc 45:17; 138:50 - we will miss our body at death, it's is a prison, can't have children, can't have feelings
dc 88:6-13 - light

temple marriage is in the name of father, son and Holy Ghost. Jesus Christ is part of our marriage.

Our spirit was born as a baby, grow to adult in premortal life, is born, lives, and dies - spirit can't die - Christ provides resurrection - reunites body and spirit through power of the atonement - if we are married in the temple (and treat each other well) - we come forth as man and woman, marriage continues and can create spirit children.

If Christ did not exist, our body would die and our spirit would be in that state for eternity, like Satan.
2nephi 9

because of Christ we can be married forever.

The world say "till death do you part" so be a good husband while you can.

How we benefit from the atonement
1. Sins forgiven as we repent
2. Resurrect
6. Covenants, ordinance personal righteousness exalt us
7. Become joint heirs with Christ and become members of church of the first born through temple marriage
8. Will live on this earth in celestial state
9. Satan banished forever - plan of father completed for us as we gain exaltation dc 76:33; 133:73

Heber c Kimball - god is pleasant, lively, and good-natured because when I have his spirit, that's how I am. He is jovial, lively person, and a beautiful man.

Holy ghost is a man, one of the sons of our father, he is a man
third member of the spiritual 1st presidency, so to speak.

dc 130:22

Holy ghost remembers who we were in premortal, he knows what is expected of us. He is going to help us prepare for our foreordinations, priesthood, young womanhood, mission, finding a spouse. We need to live so that we receive that help.

True doctrine understood would make you a saint; it would make you insane if you went against it.