Sentences I never thought I'd hear myself say:
"Stop biting the rolls of toilet paper!"
"Don't kill him. He doesn't like to be killed. No killing!" (that's from Ryan, who was refereeing a lightsaber duel)
A Dream I Had:
We were all on our way to Jerusalem for the big Jesus Look-alike Contest. It was in celebration of his 2000th birthday, called J2K. If lightning strikes me for having that dream, it's going to strike my brother who is stationed in Baghdad. He took it one step further, asking why hasn't Fox come up with this idea as a reality show? Can you imagine the psych ward patients who are convinced of their divinity, giving tv interviews about why they shouldn't have gotten kicked off the island? (I'm paraphrasing Dan there, the sin be upon his head.)
According to Zack, the singular of "ear wax" is "ear whack." Use it in a sentence: "I hate ear wax. I had one little ear whack."
The parenting ideas most likely to make me and Ryan millionaires:
1. Edible tape, to wrap around soft tacos to prevent them from falling open and spilling their contents all over the plate and/or floor.
2. Edible crayons. Your kids are going to eat them anyways, they may as well have some added nutrients, right? Plus if they're meant to be eaten, you've made a product that has to be replaced a lot more often than regular crayons. Genius!
3. Band-Aids that are meant for injuries with no blood involved, like bruises, very shallow scrapes, your generic "owie" and the occasional hurt feeling. These would be really colorful, have no little pad for catching blood, and only stay stuck for about 30 minutes, which is about the maximum amount of time before the kids either get tired of the band-aid or injure themselves somewhere else. They would also be edible, so that I don't have to keep fishing used Band-aids out of Darcey's mouth. There's pretty much nothing on earth that I wouldn't rather have an edible version of. (Couches, fake plants, light sabers, carpet fuzz, etc.)
4. Ryan would like to set up shop as a "Child Psychic," which is a psychic who can tell a child's future. It would sound like this: "Move your bowl away from the edge of the table, you're going to spill it." Bam! Splash! "See, I told you!"5. Nursery chairs with seat belts. There's nothing more pointless than trying to keep nursery-aged kids in their chair during class on Sunday, they bounce out of their seats like their butts are made out of rubber. So a seat belt is almost a neccessity, to keep them strapped in and not moving so much. Granted, there will be a lot of kids that end up on the floor still attached to the chair, but that's a small price to pay.
Brad: Noah, lets get up early and take our showers and get dressed really quick so we can go outside and play baseball tomorrow! I want to practice pitching, and if you want you can be my catcher.
Brad: Okay, but if you get hurt, it's not my fault, got it? Just so you know ahead of time.
In teaching the kids what to expect when we go on our trip to Europe this summer, Noah had two big French translation questions. 1) How do you say "Your hair is brown?" and 2) How do you say "beef jerky" in French? You know the French, they're famous for their beef jerky.
Noah was writing a talk about Abinadi, who taught (amongst other things) the Ten Commandments. He announced: "I know what the Tenth Commandment is! Don't pray for a million dollars if you don't need it!"