I'm stressed right now because we're leaving for our Disney World vacation in five days, but in two days we're in charge of the ward activity. It doesn't seem to matter that everything for both events is pretty much under control - assignments have been made and followed-up on, vacation plans are taken care of. But it's still there, the stress, lurking underneath the surface. As soon as any minor thing brushes past me, KA-BOOM!! I explode like something out of Die Hard and the family has to run for cover.
So here's a small list of the things that made me angry today. (And literally angry - I could feel a headache coming on from clenching my teeth so hard.)
infomercials during kids' shows
2 ice cube trays with one ice cube each
touching raw meat
bra straps keep falling off my shoulders
crumbs on the floor
anything packed in oil
cleaning up after other people
listening to kids fight
credit card thieves
the five love languages
slow internet connections
crappy toys that break immediately
And this was just during lunch! I thought maybe writing down all of the things that were bothering me would help me let go of the frustration, but apparently it did not work. What I desperately needed today was friend time, but I was busy all day and the one friend that I generally call to say "I'm losing it and depending on you to restore my sanity" is out of town. Come to think of it, I've had very little sanity since she left - maybe the two are related?? Anyhow, I need to branch out, develop a larger network of people who can prevent me from wallowing in my ragepool for as long as I did today. Be warned, potential friends, it might be you!
I thought I was safe after the three boys went to bed. Zack both kicked and hit me in protest for going to bed, yet in a moment of supreme self-control I did not strangle him or tell him that bad little boys who hit their mommies get eaten by monsters. (Not that I would ever DREAM of doing something like that.) Brad and Noah both huffed off into their room, completely disgusted by the horribly mean parents they have. I was not prepared for the amount of pouty/sulky/teenage-girl behavior I would get out of boys, but man, it is there.
Noah was mad at me today because I wouldn't let him skip his swim lesson in order to avoid being late to a birthday party. Plus, I didn't put his bag of clothes in the car. And I didn't remind him to wear shoes. Really? I need to remind an 8 year old boy to wear shoes when going somewhere in the car? Maybe the Lord needs to rethink his age of accountability, because apparently 8 is not old enough to even dress properly without help, let alone discern good and evil.
Brad was mad for all sorts of reasons. 1) We did not go to the movies like we promised because he was out swimming with his friends when we were supposed to go. 2) We made his friends go home at 9:15 p.m. 3) We exist. We were put on this earth to make his life miserable, and we're doing a bang-up job of it. Just wait until tomorrow, when I tell him that he has to clean his room before he can play with his friends - he's going to HATE me.
I am desperately in need of one of those days when parenting is rewarding, so I remember why I had four children instead of a cat and a big savings account.
The straw that broke this camel's back came when I finally, finally got all of the kids, including non-sleeping Darcey, into bed and settled down to watch yesterday's So You Think You Can Dance. I spent 5 hours downloading it from the internet. It's pretty much the only show I watch during the summer, and I've been anticipating some "me" time with the show all day long. You can imagine my dismay, then, when I realized that I HAD DOWNLOADED LAST WEEK'S EPISODE! Of course I've seen that one already! I sat there and was ready to cry - in fact, I'm feeling weepy right now thinking about it.
This has just been a waste of a day. Yes, I got two lessons done for one of my online classes, I did my visiting teaching, and I cleaned the house today. But I haven't even mentioned the fact that while Darcey was busy not napping this afternoon she decided to rip her mattress apart. And it's 10:40 p.m. and she's crying. And I'm on the verge of joining her. The only thing I can tell myself is that tomorrow is going to be excellent in comparison. See, the optimist still shines through, just a tiny bit.
Update - It's 10:55 and my glasses just broke. I need to go to bed while life is still worth waking up for.