5:30 - I wake up from a bad dream, the kind of dream you don't even want to talk about for fear it will come true. I concentrated on some better thoughts and fell back asleep.
7:00 - #3 comes in for a cup of milk. Thing is, though, we're out of milk, and we're out of juice, so he has nothing to bring me. Well, that's not entirely true - I stopped at the gas station last night after my photography class to buy a gallon of milk at typical gas station prices, but they were out of gallons so I bought a quart. It's just in an unrecognizable bottle, so #3 doesn't know it's milk. I don't know if I'd pour it in bed again anyhow since on Monday I was pouring a cup of apple juice without my glasses on and ended up pouring juice all over myself. I was planning on washing the sheets, duvet cover, pillow, and pajamas that day anyhow, so no loss. So I send #3 back downstairs for the cup of milk that is already poured and in the fridge.
7:15ish - He's back and won't leave me alone. I am totally wiped out and tell him to go wake up Dad, who wears earplugs to bed and won't be bothered like I am. #3 tries for a while and then leaves.
7:25 - Alarm clock goes off, snooze button goes on.
7:34 - Alarm clock goes off again, DH is awake too and convinces me to get out of bed too.
7:50 - Boy #1 leaves for school wearing shorts with a sweatshirt. He claims it is nice outside, just a little chilly, and I don't honestly care. It is supposed to be 54 degrees today, which after this cold winter, feels positively balmy. I want it to be spring as much as he does, and he's old enough that if he showed up in his pajamas no one would think it's my fault.
8-8:45 - I eat breakfast and then do some homework with Boy #2, who is in an excellent mood today. Very cooperative and gets all the work done that I ask him to without complaining.
8:45-9 - I shower, then DH takes #2 off to school and then takes the car to work. I don't have anywhere to go today and if I had the car, I'd probably just end up spending money. I do need to buy milk at some point, and my laptop keyboard is past the point of needing to be repaired. The J button fell off weeks ago, but that was okay because there was still this plastic nub underneath that made it useable. But #1 was playing a game on it the other morning and when I reclaimed my laptop the nub was ripped off. So the letter J takes some real effort to push down and I need to take the computer in to be fixed. It's almost easier to avoid using J-words, but we do a lot of jumping, juice drinking, and jeering and I want to be able to report on all of those things, just in case.
9-10 - DH has left me a "to do" list for the second day in a row, which I'm trying hard not to take badly. They are just work things that we have discussed that I knew I had to do and he was reminding me about it, which is fine, but somehow entitling it a "to do" list makes it sound like an assignment, and there's a certain level of pride that makes me not want to do it just for that reason. If it was entitled "Hey, would you mind doing these things?" or "just a reminder, here's that stuff we talked about yesterday" or something like that, more of a request or suggestion or helpful reminder, it'd be easier to take. Regardless, I do all of the things on the list in like 5 minutes, and I've spent way more time than that dwelling on it. Is there some cure for the disease of not taking orders well? How about not taking criticism or correction well? That hasn't happened today, but it's another thing that I have a hard time with, which I shouldn't.
I'm watching the Price is Right and there's this guy with the kind of hair that looks like it's been shaved into a pattern of some sort, very gang-ish I'd guess, but the guy squeals like a girl when he wins something. What a contradiction! Cracks me up. The squealer passed a showcase with a car to the other player and when his showcase had a trip to New Zealand, I swear, he sounded like he was a 13-year-old girl who just saw Brad Pitt (or whoever 13 year old's think are cute nowadays, for me it was Tom Cruise, in his pre-couch-jumping-scientology-depressed-mother-bashing-nose-job days). The squealer lost, by the way - trips to New Zealand must be more expensive than I thought, or maybe it was the lovely living room set. I always peg the furniture at about $5,000.
I try to take some pictures for my photography class, but either my camera can't do what he was teaching (like usual) or I've got to change something because it's not turning out. I'm going to try taking some outside pictures later, maybe they'll work better.
10 - My friend comes over to return my ipod wall charger which I lent her along with my ipod mini. She's still got the ipod but bought her own charger so I could keep using mine. Now that I've got a new ipod, I loaded my old one with a pile of audiobooks which otherwise I can't share, and have lent the ipod out to very responsible people who like audiobooks as much as I do. It kind of bugs me that if I bought an actual book I'd have no problem loaning it to a dozen people but for the same price I've got an audio book that I can't share even if I love it. And books are fun, but they are more fun when you've got someone to talk to about it. So that's the thing I came up with, lend the old ipod. The battery will only last for about 3 hours and won't hold a charge so your 3 hours starts from the time you unplug it. I figure that's kind of a deterrent from people keeping my ipod forever, no one really wants it that badly!
#3 has knocked my giant white board off the wall while banging on it with a marker, and now the nail hole is too big and won't hold the white board up. It's probably better this way, I've put it on the floor up against the wall so at least #3 doesn't have to stand on the faux leather spinning desk chair to try to draw. Although now that it is off the wall, I see all of the places around where the board used to be that are covered in marker. It's almost a border drawn in marker, as if to say, the white board goes here.
What started out as a cute thing #3 does has turned so annoying I can barely stand it. He says "please" in a really begging voice with his hands clasped as if he is on bended knee, asking for whatever it is he wants. The problem is, he doesn't take no for an answer, and keeps saying "please" over and over, whinier and whinier, until he is just about crying. And sometimes I don't know what it is he is asking for but once he gets into please mode he won't say anything else.
I watch some Alias and read some consumerist.com articles, write this blog entry, and basically waste time. Last night I looked at my planner and the whole day today was blank. As was most of the rest of the week, and the insert on which I write my weekly goals that are to be broken down into daily tasks. I'm pretty uninspired and unambitious right now, which totally depresses me. DH and I talked about it for a while last night and he was really good about reminding me that this isn't who I am, it's just because I'm pregnant and once that is over I bounce right back. Although this discussion is probably what made him think I could use a to-do list.
12:20-2 - A friend who is 19 weeks pregnant (I'm 27) calls and we commiserate about the woes of pregnancy, weight gain (I'm up to 40 pounds already, although she very nicely said that I don't look like I've gained that much at all - there's really no other response, though), maternity clothes, having another kid when you already feel like a rotten parent to the ones you've got, etc. It might sound like a depressing phone call but it actually made me feel better. It's one of those things that kills me - I feel rotten and don't want to interact with anyone, but the only thing that will make me feel better is interacting with someone. Thank goodness I have good friends.
Oh, she mentioned that I was a subject of discussion at last night's enrichment activity, which I missed because I was at my photography class. Earlier that evening was Mother/Son night for the boys' school at the skating rink. So of course we had to go, and when I got there I wanted to be a good mom and actually skate with them. Otherwise I may as well have dropped them off and waited in the car or something. Here's the problem, though, I haven't skated in years and it's not actually like riding a bike - it doesn't come back nearly as fast. So #2 and I got some skates on and stood up - he fell, stood up, fell, stood up, and fell, and said he didn't want to skate after all. This rink is cool because the kids can ride their scooters if they want to. But I still wanted to participate and I didn't think jogging alongside them counted. So I kept my skates on and grabbed Boy #1 and we started out around the rink.
I was pretty wobbly and frankly, not very good. About halfway around the rink I fell and caught myself with my left wrist, which I immediately knew was hurt somehow. My goodness, falling can really hurt! My kids do it all the time and they never seem to have a problem. So I decided that I wasn't cut out for this so much, and I took off my skates. Well, fortunately, about 6 ward members and various other PTA members that I know saw me fall. I got some sympathy from one mom, a friend of mine, who asked if I was okay, because of course everyone's big concern here is the fact that I am 6 months pregnant. I'm fine, I tell her, just embarrassed, and walk back to my seat, whereupon I was accosted by a woman, who is older than me, maybe mid-40's, who I would also consider a friend, but she totally read me the riot act. I wonder if I wasn't pregnant would people make me feel this bad, or stupid, for not being able to roller skate? It's not like I was doing it for fun, I was doing it to participate with my kids. Ended up that I just sat there while the boys skated, wishing I had brought a book since it was kind of too loud for my ipod. I've got a 2 inch by 1 inch bruise on my wrist but otherwise I'm fine. Maybe my stupid test from yesterday doesn't count towards practical applications.
2:30 - #1 is home and we need to work on some Cub scout stuff that he needs for today, a pedigree chart and family history story. So I have him call his grandparents to get the info, I figure they will be more accurate and also might enjoy hearing from him. I make the rounds of the internet again, and turn on Judge Judy at 3. At 3:30, the People's Court is interrupted by #3 walking downstairs with his stomach covered in peanut butter.
I wish I knew how to post a photo to this blog, because sometimes I think I need to prove that I'm not making my life up!
4-6 - #1 leaves for cubs and on the way out tells me I ought to go outside because there are lots of kids and parents out there. I send an email to my neighbor who has done my taxes for the last couple of years to see about doing them again. I head outside and sure enough, there are plenty of kids for #3 to play with and I sit with a neighbor and shoot the breeze for a couple of hours.
6-7 - DH comes home from work, of course there's no dinner ready because I've been out with friends for two hours, which I think he agrees is probably more important to me right now than cooking dinner. He eats a frozen dinner and #2 has a hot dog. We are totally out of milk at this point so I take a fairly grouchy #2 with me to Albertson's to pick up milk and whatever else I want. DH gives him a quarter for the candy machines and the grouchiness goes right out of him. I am hungry when I go shopping, which means that magically my cart ends up with a Kit Kat bar, some chocolate covered pretzels, and a pint of Ben & Jerry's. Apparently I'm in the mood for chocolate.
7 - DH is off to YM and #1 cooks himself a couple of frozen pot pies for dinner. I pop in a tape for American Idol to watch when DH gets home and #3, who sounds like he's starting to get a cold, gets excited when I throw a pair of pajamas down the stairs to change him later, so I decide to do it now, and he is totally gung-ho for bed. I honestly think he is the easiest kid to put to bed that I've ever had, which is why it baffles me when a baby-sitter can't do it. Maybe they just need to take a stronger hand with him, but seriously, this kid has been known to ask to go to bed.
7:30 - I round up the 2 awake boys and we do scriptures, a mercifully short 4 verses in tonight's assignment. I said one of the weirdest sentences of the day, the kind of sentence you don't really expect to hear: "Don't play with your gun while we're reading scriptures!" Maybe if we lived a little further south... #2 goes down to play some Lego Star Wars before bed.
8:00 - I tell #2 it's time for bed and he flips out, starts yelling and whining and complaining. But he goes upstairs and gets in bed, stomping and complaining the whole time, I say a prayer with him and leave. He spends the next 25 minutes in his room yelling and banging around, I go up to investigate, ask if he needs something from me, but he won't answer so I leave. Frankly, he is staying in his room, and I'm sure #3 will sleep through it, so I don't care. I'm wiped out and just want to veg in front of the tv. #1 wants me to play Uno with him, and I tell him no, which makes me feel horrible and like a bad parent, but I feel like I just don't want to deal with kids anymore. He lays on the floor of the family room and doesn't move for a while, so I ask if he is going to find something to do. He says "I can't do the one thing I want so I'd rather do nothing." I tell him that's his choice, and he lays on the floor until 8:30, when I send him down to his room to read. He goes down and decides he'd rather just go to bed early than stay up to read.
8:40 - DH comes home from YM and we tell each other how our evenings went while he does the dishes and eats a snack of frozen waffles. (When they are cooked, they smell like sugar cookies, and he likes that!) I eat some Ben & Jerry's while I watch a really stupid new show, The Wedding Bells - good concept but ends up being just a lot of whining people.
9:00 - DH tells me that he wants the 45 minutes of his life back that we spent on Sunday night talking about how great our financial outlook was because of our great sales. Since that discussion, sales have plummeted, and today was the worst - we actually haven't had a sale all day today, the first day in months that we have gone a whole day without even making $10. We've always called working for ourselves a roller coaster, but this was the equivalent of that great big climb up the hill at the beginning and the plunge right afterwards. Dramatic and extreme and scary. I've never been a fan of roller coasters, and frankly, this one doesn't feel like that much fun either! Maybe we just needed the "don't count your chickens before they've hatched" lesson one more time, we were counting our chickens before they had even laid eggs!
9:15 - 10- We watch American Idol that we taped from earlier. Here's my opinion on that show - it is very clear the group of a few people that have a chance at actually winning, but we have to drag the season out for weeks and weeks and whittle it down. I could see it during the auditions that there were people that they let through to the Hollywood round that they knew had no chance to actually win, but how entertaining would the show be if they only let the 6 actually great people from all the audition rounds come on the show? People give Simon a lot of flak but you've got to believe that he knew from day one of the hollywood round who actually had a chance to win and then just rounded out the group to fill spots.
10-10:30 - Upstairs for scriptures and bedtime. I've given the humidifier to #3 because he really sounds congested and gross, and I forgot to buy more Breathe Right strips, so I hope I can breathe while I sleep and don't snore like crazy. I would have Breathe Right strips implanted in my nose if I could, I love those things so much. When I went into labor with #3 it was first thing in the morning (like 6:30) and I wore it to the hospital. DH thought I was nuts but I figured if there was ever a time to put comfort over fashion, it is when I'm giving birth.